I hate all girls vehemently.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
