i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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