Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
