i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
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after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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