yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
