I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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