I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
