If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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