Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Who died my cat blue again?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
