I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
