This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
did i just pee glitter
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
