Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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