dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
