Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
