I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
