just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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