i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
