My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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