Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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