I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
