Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
