I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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