you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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