I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
