she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
