Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
