alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
