and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
