My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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