Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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