meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
