lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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