you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
