it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
