I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
