mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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