HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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