We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".