so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
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She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
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Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancĂ© called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying