Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
smell my finger.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐