I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?