His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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