Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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