Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
