I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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