This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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