I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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