i think i have two assholes
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
