is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
