He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
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I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
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Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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