i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize