I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
