...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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