The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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