For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
