How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
