Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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