Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
