I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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