i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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