i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
