I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
