theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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