so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
