In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
