absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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