I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
