So drunk its hurt
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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