Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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